Love 'Em and Let 'Em Go

“The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” Saul said to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you.” (1 Sam 17:37)

When David first offered to go and fight Goliath, Saul turned him down. But David pressed his case, explaining how he had fought wild animals as a shepherd. No doubt Saul was impressed that a such a young man had killed lions and bears, but more impressive was his faith in God. Saul could see he was spiritually ready.

As adults, and especially as parents, we are naturally protective of the young and inexperienced. But there comes a time when we have to let our young people go fight the good fight. Over the past few years hundreds of thousands of parents have had to literally face that moment. Millions more have watched their children head off to college or a job in a different city. The battle ahead may “only” be a spiritual one, but the danger is real enough. Yet it would be a mistake to forever keep them safe behind our walls. There comes a time when we must say to them, “Go, and the Lord be with you.”

Legacy of Faith

But I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark – you and your sons and your wife and your sons’ wives with you. (Gen 6:18)

To the extent that Noah’s salvation from the flood is a type (i.e., symbol) of our salvation, it is perhaps significant that Noah’s family, including his sons and their wives, were saved with him. It is reminiscent of the jailer and his family in Acts 16. In that case, not only was his whole family baptized, but it clearly says that they all believed. So clearly they were saved not by the jailer’s decision, but by their own. In the same way, Noah’s family had to be willing to actually board the ark. And yet, it does certainly indicate that a righteous man can lead his whole family to salvation. I want to leave a legacy of faith in my family. I pray they will find in me sound leadership and a good example, so that my children and grandchildren and later generations will be faithful in turn.

A Father Who Listens

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. (Pro 10:19)

I think there are several ways in which this is true, but one simple truth is the need to listen. This is the key to many relationships, but as a father I realize this is one principle I need to apply with my sons. I listen to them for a moment, diagnose what I see as their error, and then proceed to download a long set of instructions, information and opinions. I know I need to listen more and not be so quick to jump all over them to correct their “mistakes”. Lord, help me to hold my tongue!

Show Yourself a Man

I am about to go the way of all the earth. So be strong, show yourself a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires. (I Kings 2:2-3a)

This is David's charge to Solomon. What a tremendous example for us fathers! We must not neglect to do the same. Lord, help me to hold out a true, Biblical picture of manhood for my sons, in both my words and my deeds. I know I have not always modeled it the way I should. God forgive me and help them to see by my example what true manhood is like. Help me to model it better than I have before. Amen.

A Parent's Prayer

I have reserved for myself seven thousand who have not bowed the knee to Baal. (I Kings 19:18)

Even in times of great apostasy there is always a remnant. As parents, we struggle with fear when we think about the spiritual environment our children encounter at college. But no doubt there are many, perhaps thousands, in those places who have not bowed the knee to Baal. Even in the darkest places God is no less sovereign. His arm is not too short. When believers go into dark places they go with the Spirit of God in their hearts. Wherever they go there is light, because the light is within. And they will encounter many who also carry that light within. Even our children who do not know the Lord go with God, because our prayers are with them. Lord, please preserve and protect our children as they go out into the world. Guide them to the right friends and the right places. Bring to their hearts and minds the words we have taught them. Let them experience in a fresh way the wonder of your presence and power as they find that wherever they go, you are already there. Amen.

A Father's Words

For you know we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory. (I Thes 2:11-12)

Lord, help me to do this with my own sons. I want to be encouraging and comforting, without neglecting to urge them to godliness. Help me never to be silenced by discouragement or complacency, but continually to speak your love and your truth to them. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” May I be so full of your Spirit that spiritual words of love and truth would come bubbling up naturally from who I am, unselfconsciously and sincerely. May the testimony of my life also proclaim your love and your truth, even when no words are spoken. Amen.

From Generation to Generation

One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. (Ps 145:4)

I must not allow myself to break the chain of witness from one generation to the next. The story of God’s great deeds must not be allowed to die out. I must bear witness to my sons of all the great things God has done in my life, and in the lives of those who have gone before. Let the witness of God's mighty acts continue from generation to generation!

Sins of the Fathers

And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation. (Ex 34:6-7)

Moses has just returned to the top of Mt. Horeb to get a new set of tablets inscribed with the law, after Aaron and the people had made a golden calf to worship. The Lord came and stood there with him, and here he proclaims himself to Moses. This is God’s description of himself! What does he lead off with? Compassion, grace, patience, love, faithfulness and forgiveness! What a wonderful picture. The psalmist even sings these words back to God in Ps 86:15, “But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” But there is still judgment. Sin must be punished. God speaks of both his love and his justice.

Lord, thank you that you have so clearly declared your compassion, grace, patience and faithfulness. You have declared them by both your words and your deeds, because you cannot be untrue to your nature. Lord Jesus, thank you that you took our sins upon yourself, so that we may abide in your love. Thank you for being so patient and compassionate with me. Lord, I know that the temporal consequences of sin do not disappear when we repent, but I pray your mercy on my sons, that you would spare them from suffering for my mistakes. I want to be just the father they need. I don’t want to pass on to them my own sins, or the sins of my own father. Let the chain stop with me. He made mistakes; I made mistakes. Help me now to overcome them and correct them by the power of your Spirit. Amen. 

This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death. (Pr 19:18)

Children need our discipline, as unpleasant as it may be at the time for both us and them. To grow up with impulses unchecked by parental discipline leads to great suffering later.

The Rod of Correction

A servant cannot be corrected by mere words; though he understands he will not respond. (Pr 29:19)

See also:
The rod of correction imparts wisdom. (Pr 29:15)

Discipline your son, and he will give you peace. (Pr 29:17)

Discipline is essential in every authority relationship, not just child rearing. And mere words of correction are insufficient; there must be appropriate consequences for inappropriate behavior. This is true at home, at school, in the workplace, in the military, and regarding the law. When I am in authority, as a parent or at work, it is not inappropriate for me to bring correction to the one who is under me. Indeed it is better for both of us. And for the same reason God disciplines us as well.

Rebuking in Love

He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue. (Pr 28:23)

My first instinct is to always watch out for hurting someone’s feelings, so I often hold my tongue when I perhaps ought to rebuke them. I know this verse can be abused by those who like to vent their anger and call it “rebuke.” But sometimes I do more harm than good by holding my tongue, and instead finding something to compliment them on. Especially as a father, there are times I need to bring correction. Lord, help me to choose wisely in each situation. Help me to know when encouragement is needed for failure and when rebuke is needed for waywardness.